you only live once

i am an ass

bev, my wife, had to fly out to Tennessee eleven days ago to assist my father-in-law.  eleven.  days.  ago.   during her absence i have learned the following things.

  1.  i have no idea where anything in my house is kept.
  2.  i have no idea how anything in my house operates.
  3.  i have no idea where anything is in the grocery store.
  4.  i am an ass.

i had always suspected that number 4 was true but it was confirmed on about day 6 when, because the water softener alarm was going off and i couldn’t figure out how to turn it off or what it meant, i called bev for help and to inform her of things 1 through 3.  after i finished telling her my list of three things she didn’t say anything for a solid 15 seconds, which is a REALLY long time to pause in the middle of a telephone conversation.  after this eternity of a pause she said “i thought you were going to say how much deeper your love for me is.”    damn.   i came back fairly quickly with “well baby that should be implied i don’t need to say it.”  damn x2.  so yeah.  add number 4 to the list as confirmed.

hold my beer

scott, my good friend who went to mount everest base camp with me, texted me a couple of weeks ago and suggested that we HAD to ride the Trans-America Trail.  now – my responses to scott’s crazy text message ideas are the written and functional equivalent of the phrase “hey, hold my beer”  – so i, of course, immediately agreed to this without fully thinking it through.  turns out you need a dual-sport motorcycle to ride the Trans-America Trail.  while i have been riding street bikes since i was sixteen i have never – ever. repeat never – ever.  ridden a dirt bike.  of course my thought process is “well i HAVE ridden mountain bikes.  how different can it be?”   so this week i bought a Kawasaki 250klx dual sport bike.  it took me over two weeks to figure out what bike to buy.  it will take me many months of research, purchases, returns, more research, additional returns, sadness, tears and regret to decide what appropriate accessories, apparel and other accoutrements to purchase.  i have already joined three dirt bike forums, watched multiple “learn how to ride a dirt bike” videos, read multiple reviews on proper equipment and found and saved three blogs by people who have ridden the trail.  we plan on starting in Silverton, Co. and driving west for five days.  we will see how it goes.  we will soon find out how different it can be.  i will updating the hilarity as it ensues.  bev, by the way, is not only condoning this activity but has encouraged it.  although she did verify the life insurance amounts two weeks ago.

drinking advice

this week i discovered Austin Eastciders Ruby Red Grapefruit Cider.  It is the closest thing i have tasted to the awesomeness that was the California Cooler.  i am unnecessarily excited about it and highly recommend it.

music you should check out

i will probably be having a generally-regular post on – music i think you should check out – but this week we will embed it here for your listening pleasure.  in honor of  my 1980’s California Cooler taste-alike-discovery i present to you Komodo’s remake of the Cutting Crew’s 1986 hit (I just) Died in Your Arms.  not bad.  pay no attention to the young lady on the pole.


late sunday up-date

while bev has been gone i  have:

  1. ripped the bed sheets.
  2. broke a broom.
  3. chipped the bathroom sink
  4. broke a glass tupperware dish

add incompetent home chief operations officer as number 5 to the above learned things.

please follow me on instagram and  this blog.  until next time.